Visit me at courtney903.blogspot.com. It's prettier there. That's also kind of gonna become both music notes the starlet journal combined, so... that's what's gonna happen.   

Do you know that when you can go from walking calmly in the twilight to chasing each other on a playground to laying down watching the stars and talking about how God works in your lives all in one night, you have to assume something is right? 

Well, you do.

The first time I looked deep in your eyes
The world was dark, it was cold outside
Still they shined, still I smiled
As we stood there in the snow
I remember thinking "I can't think"
The first time your lips touched my cheek
I knew right then and there
All I'd ever need to know

A Montana traffic jam.  Two lane highway.  One piece of very large farm equipment heading toward another piece of very very large farm equipment in the opposite lane.  Five cars driving at about 25 miles behind each.  About five minutes?  It's over. 

One of the things I love about my ex?  He actually plays the guessing game.  Where most friends would just give an enthusiastic "What?!" when some form of the "Guess what?!" demand has been made, he actually guesses.

Last night, I ran into him and his wife.  They're both looking really good.  Somewhere in the conversation I got excited and said "Guess who I have a date with tomorrow night?!"

Without missing a beat, he goes, "That weird lookin' dude from Trick Pony!"

Wouldn't that be nice?

Tonight?  Tonight can only be described as wonderful.  I really didn't expect to have such a good time.  But truly?  I truly did.

Tomorrow night?  Well... only time will tell...

Let's just say: 20 and built ford tough.  With a baby face.

Apparently that sounds like a song lyric.  I might have to do something with that.

happy reading!

Have you ever noticed how...

how do I want to say this?

Last night I had a bit of a conversation with a pretty fantastic person.  We converse quite regularly lately, and I'll admit, I love every bit of interaction we have.  Something happened between the two of us a few months ago that at first seemed promising, then it didn't.  And now, things are sort of back to normal but in a "better normal" kind of way.  And last night we had a bit of a revelation that made the thing that happened a few months ago seem promising again...  Very promising... and it kind of feels like what could have happened if we'd let it will actually happen this time...

And yet life goes on as normal!  Does that ever KILL you?  Because seriously, all of these things are going on in your head, right? And you have to go to work and count change.  correctly.  I can't tell you how difficult that can become when you have voices in your ears because of headsets and angry customers and supervisors (which is normal) and images in your mind because of previous messenger conversations and previous happenings in warm, white cars in dark, snow covered city parks.  You walk around in a daze, doing things you do every day, and even though everything in your head has changed, everything around you is the same.  You have to wonder how the world could possibly just keep turning when something so monumental is going on in your life.  Why hasn't it stopped?  Why isn't it revolving around you?  The change of gravity in your body alone should be enough to pull every planet in our solar system out of orbit and spinning into oblivion.  Still, there they are.  The weather channel says nothing of a cold front, nothing of a freak tsunami in the middle of Minnesota (coming from, of course, our Great Lake--Superior.) The stars aren't falling, the sun's still smiling, because he knows he is all supreme.  WHY?! 

I guess even though the world is unaware of the thoughts tornadoing in my head, I can take comfort in the fact that somebody else's center of gravity may have changed a little bit too.  Maybe that's why the world never stops when this happens... it always happens in twos. It keeps balance and order in the universe.

How convenient.

happy reading

me:  "icake!?  who wrote icake!?"

bro: "it's like cake only with the spanish exclamation points."

me:  "why?  i thought you meant 'icake'... you know... like 'itunes'."

mom:  "oh.  i thought you meant eye cake... like eye candy.  only with cake."

You know how "they" make the world take history classes so that we can all learn from other people's mistakes?  Example:  The Holocaust? Taking over the world by wiping out non-white people?  Bad idea.  I also think we are forced to learn history so those pathetic enough to still be using phrases such as "Rome wasn't built in a day..." can do so while feeling intelligent.  I personally feel such people should be a little more creative, or at least steal from a lesser known source.  (note to all of you people with a million "favorite quotes" written by "Mr. Anonymous": FIND A NEW FAVORITE QUOTE.  We all know them.  We're all sick of them.  You should be too!) Still, it is amazing to me after all the shoving and cramming and hypnotizing droning the education system seems to accomplish how so many people don't learn from the past... even from their own mistakes.  Why?  How hard could it possibly be?  You messed up.  Don't do that next time. Seriously.

Of course, we all know I'm actually whining about... myself.  Who else, right?

It's not that I've suddenly made a new mistake that I'm suddenly pissed about.  It's that looking back on so many of the things I've done, there is so much redundancy it makes me nauseous.  And no matter how I try--and I do.  I DO try--history ALWAYS repeats itself in some new and fresh way.  It's like a damn soap opera.  The main character is the same, the set may have changed, but the writers haven't been creative enough to come up with a new story line for the past 30 years... why try now?

And, in some crazy way, though I know what happened was, for once, a completely original moment (and the more I think about it, a moment I've dreamt up time and time again...), I can't help but think that from that completely fantastic moment in my own history, some sort of rerun of the worst possible episode of Sex and the City is just going decide to relive itself county fair style in my world.  You know?  Only in my case, without the alchohol, the slutty best friend, or the sex.  Which just means that my drama won't even be entertaining.  Dammit.

And I know all of this.  I know that terrible things will most likely ensue.  Still, I want to see what happens.  I want to go forward, read the lines cold, and see where the situation takes me, having no idea how the drama that is my life will end, even at the risk that I may make some terrible mistake that will haunt me for months and screw up my future attempts at a normal relationship even further.  Why do I do this to myself?

Or will this be something, much like that one shining original moment, that actually happens because it's supposed to, and not because I'm willing it to? 

happy reading

I do NOT have a survey sickness.  I just thought this one looked interesting.  Still, I'm tagging RaeLeigh, because I know she'll do it ANYWAY.  lol.

and, first, a random thought.  did you know that martin sheen is in the diamond rio video for "it's all in your head?"  some fantastic mullets also star.

Finish the sentence:

1. My ex still:
comes to mind when i see an orange extension chord.  i guess we all know which ex i'm talking about.  he's the only one worth remembering, most of the time.

2. I am listening to...
at the moment, pam tillis "maybe it was memphis" on vintage videos

3. Maybe I should...
do some yoga tonight.  my body is starting to hate me because i've done lots of dieting and no exercise for the past few weeks. still, i've lost 6 pounds in about a week and a half.  that seems like a lot, but i also gained 8 pounds in one, and weight gained quickly is a lot easier to lose quickly. 

4. I love...
MUSIC.  yay!  but who didn't know that?

5.My best friends are..
amazing.  I would be nothing without them.  literally.  even the ones who used to be "best" and really just aren't anymore, for whatever reason... they have all made me who I am.  They have all made me believe, they've helped me hang on.  I love my best friends.

6. I don't understand...
myself and why i have to be the way i am sometimes.  i'd LIKE to believe i'm a mature and contributing factor in society, but i have to give myself REASON to believe it first...

7. I lost...
my sunglasses.  like a million times.  i usually find them bent up or broken.

8. People say...
they love me because i don't care what anyone else thinks.  i DO care... its just that that's what I want them to think... i guess i'm playin the game right, huh?

9. The meaning of my screen name is...
which screen name?  MSN?  its my name. and occasionally a song lyric of the moment.  creative, huh?  my blog name?  superstar?  well, I'll be one someday.  I am one now... a future superstar.  besides, its more a state of mind than anything... but not diva.  just... fantastic.  yeah.  that's me. fantastic

10. Love is...
entirely too complicated.  usually not right.  still a better feeling than not feeling it at all.  something i can't do without in some form or another.  all you need.

11. Somewhere, someone is...
just waiting to discover me and offer me a recording/publishing contract.  *crosses fingers*

12. I will always...
ALWAYS remember who I am and where I came from.  I will ALWAYS be a Montanan.  I will always be from Sidney. 

13. Forever seems...
entirely impossible, yet so desirable.

14. I never want to...
have a normal 9-5 job.  At least not for a LONG amount of time

15. My mobile phone...
is upstairs in my purse. 

16. When I wake up in the morning...
i go back to sleep.  morning?  it's summer.

17. I get annoyed when...
everything in my life contradicts everything else.  it happens often.  especially when it comes to boys who are not quite as open and honest as I tend to be.  of course, they never feel like they should HAVE to be.  ok.  they're right.  damn it.

18. Parties are...
fun every once in awhile.  i'm not a BIG party fan.  too much drunken drama that i'm never drunk enough (or at all) to appreciate

19. My pets....
are non-existant.  we used to have fish... i asked my mom for some fish yesterday.  she said no.

20. Kisses are the best when...
you're not expecting them.  and they're the innocent kind.  you know it just means you're getting kissed because someone wants to kiss you.  and that's all.

21. Today I...
watched gilmore girls, went to work... blogged... the normal stuff.

22. Tomorrow I will...
actually exercise because not exercising is affecting my voice.  i'm so tense.  that makes it hard to sing.  and i need GOOD recordings to send to bmr.

23. I really want...
a career as a musician.  that's really all i know.



And for those of you random people out there (hi!) if you see just one or two that you have really good answers for, just copy/paste those questions and comment with your answer.  Play along!  have fun

I had the SCARIEST dream last night.

I stopped at some random mall to get my hair cut (it needs a trim terribly) and who ended up cutting my hair?  That supermodel Giselle.  Weird thing number one.  My dream did not flatter her.  She was flaky and flighty and bitchy, pretty much.  I have no REAL opinion of her other than I think she's beautiful... she's a model, duh.  But anyway, she was there, cutting my hair.  And I asked her to take 2 inches at most off, right?  Because that's what I would REALLY ask for.  And she proceeded to cut about 8 off.  I spent the next three weeks in dream world--three hours would be my guess back in reality--BAWLING.  Yuck.  It wasn't just the length.  The actual cut was just awful.

Moral of the story?  If you ever have the chance to let Giselle cut your hair?  Don't.